the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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