Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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