Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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