; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
