I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Randomize
