apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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