i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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