why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
