oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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