That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
