I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
"it" just moved
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
