She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
