i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
