Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
