i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
