no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A+ Viking dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
