Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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