You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
