Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
