I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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