I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize