I will die if light touches me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
