we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
