She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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