Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
