hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
