We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
