I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
