so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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