I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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