i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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