New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
