He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am midnight drunk by noon
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
