she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
