He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
