i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
