i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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