Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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