Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
