I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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