Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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