Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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