I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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