Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Alive.
So much puke
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
