The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
