So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
