He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
