Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
