I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize