Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
