I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you never un-have a 4some
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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