Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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