Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
