So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
