even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
