At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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