In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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