yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
