the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize