my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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