I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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