You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
