is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
