Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize