My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We have started to decorate penises.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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