You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We are all done wearing pants today
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
