My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
