Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
