He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
