i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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