Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize