i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
