Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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