He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Found your dick twin last night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize