My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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