why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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