I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
