dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize