my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
