im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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