Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
