I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
