hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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