it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
