I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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