My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
