last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize