yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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