A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
