:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
