he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Farmville is her only friend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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