I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
