last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
