atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
