Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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