What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
