WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
