youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
