I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
