dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
